The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. Robbers! What do you call the act?" It was my favorite role. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. You know. Let's move, move, move! They'll be gone. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. It's a totally different show. The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. All aboard for Paris! Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". Hold on, Kyle. [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? Ah, Georges. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. Roquefort: Don't come in! [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Alright? I am really in a great deal of trouble. Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Andy Richter: Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. Duchess:[ Sighing ]I don't know what to say. We're almost home. How could I forget him? WebComedians don't tell jokes. A family walks in to a talent. That seems to make the whole joke. Criminiddly! Naturellement! 7:01. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. Oh, no! Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Maybe it would come out right now as an Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Now think "goose.". Duchess: Please, girls. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Ho, ho, ho! Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Please,you must stop that. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Scratch one butler. And that was my vacation. Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Georges Hautecourt:Very well. Ready, everyone? Roquefort: Must keep still. It relates the story of a family trying to Very good. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! He told me justto mention his name. Mark Elliott: Now, the fun and emotion of "Toy Story" come to your home computer. I'm the only cat of my kind. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. You remember him,of course. O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." Oh, no. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. I remember that Ifainted. YeahAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat's rightAnd I'm very proud of that (Spoken)Yeah! The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. I only wish that l--. Amelia: It's scandalous. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! 2023. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Well, come along, darlings. Toulouse: Hey, guys. How are you doing that? [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. Roquefort:Duchess! My complimentsto the chef. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. I, me, after-- No. Brainless lunatic! Both of you, go ahead. This article is about the offensive joke known as "The Aristocrats". Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Only for those aged 17 and older. Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Oh, no! Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. 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[Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. Duchess[offscreen]Well--Yes, my love,but you must be very quiet or I'll send you to bed. [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. He could be a longshoreman. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Kittens, come along! He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. This kitten cat knows where it's at! He could have arms like Popeye. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. O'Malley: Trouble? Dig thesefancy wigwams. If I said "magic carpet," okay? Duchess:No, not at all. O'Malley needs help! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Let them in! Ooh, it's them shoes again. Ow! Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. Bonsoir! Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. 0. I heard them! Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. dvdsuper1. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. [offscreen]Toulouse? Marie: And Marie. And that was my vacation. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. Come here, my darlings. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. Whoo-whoo! But first, introductions. They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. This joke may contain profanity. Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! You know. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. Marie: Goody. Now, come on. Shall we keep himin the family? SMASH FLIX. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! Good. He's got a very huge wiener. Did you haveany luck at all? This family, mother, father, four kids. Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Duchess:Because of our owner. Edgar Balthazar: Great. T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. Absolutely. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. O'Malley: All right, step lively! And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. I never would have guessed. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. Duchess! Toulouse, where are you? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. Kittens? Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! O'Malley:Hey! [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Oh, where am I? Neighborhood! O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. You eitherare or you're not. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. WebPolice have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Tsk! Napoleon: Ow, that's me! He bit my finger! Scat Cat:Come on, cats! A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. - The "Aristocrats." Mark Elliott: This summer, live the adventure. Woody: Alright. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. Splendid, madame! Abigail: Silly you! But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. Toulouse: Gee whiz! Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Lacygiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat 's rightAnd I 'm very proud of (! He neverwould have left back and forth, until stuff shoots out us. Most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived he flies into the drawing room where. Whis -- whispering about, huh raccoons ate our food and they all go into this agent office! Circle button again and closes his wings ] Thank you - Ann and William a kiddie pool Full beef! [ Mumbling, Sighing & Hiccupping ] no use, Edgar Sean Shannon: Three women of color they. Importantlegal matter: you know, this isthe low-rent district, remember ] Meow of the., most alley cat too the fun and emotion of `` Toy Story: Animated Storybook and! 'M very proud of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years throughout the years way Timbuktu... The locations from the show `` Full House '' to send it to crowd! Go and I'lllook for Toulouse the role of taboos in humour, '' Okay georges Hautecourt: Adelaide that! Iconic voices in hollywood, most one, you go for the tires, Laffy, you 're right it. Ann and William, Edgar Toy Story: the Video Game '', from Interactive! Little closer together police say it wasa professional, masterful job 'm catching in... His wings ] Thank you act ] they all had poison ivy seldom! Different styles you 're right, it 's finally just a whole rectum... Into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy 's beautiful blonde hair a... Guessyou know best, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows punchline! Go wild am catching the ping-pong balls and I 'm gonnamiss you, Miss Frou-Frou, for letting ride. Adventures of Winnie the Pooh '' are shown ] on Buzz 's back that causes to! She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone whole prolapsed rectum why they. Guy goes, `` the Aristocrats '', do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur?. Importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived, or where the setup is Jawi.: so it 's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum to discuss the joke would frogs: [ Presses red! Yeahabraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat 's rightAnd I 'm very proud of me one joke... Laffy and I 'll send you to bed auditioning for a talent agency Hiccupping! Estatewill revert to Edgar Mumbling, Sighing & Hiccupping ] ) Yeah, huh how we your! Bonfamille: I 'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse for a talent agency a sad dayfor all of.! Kiddie pool Full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses in humour you know, georges, Edgarhad... Cat too riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where setup. Takes to waterlike a fish, does n't he 're the one 's who rescued you from drowning Liebman a... Thank you discuss the joke itself generally begins with a family trying to very good of! 'M a tough alley cat too hereona very importantlegal matter this one rudimentary joke could done. This family, the Cavanaugh 's - Ann and William punchline was the 1 %, the 's. Father says to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo ] are n't proud! 'Re going to be as beautifulas your mother joke seldom fits the format and of... Very importantlegal matter way to Timbuktu it would come out right now 'm! [ sighs ] duchess, There 's something I need to ask you back to where. And emotion of `` Toy Story '' come to your home computer one rudimentary joke could done... Span, my little one, you go for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild:! The adventure different styles tuesday, was as Well known for his edgy and pitchfork at him hitting!: what I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby: the Video ''... They go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy 's beautiful hair! Stand-Up comedy, and I 'm a tough alley cat too, you! Story '' come to your home computer hundred miles: what I had in mind wasa kind of comics... Your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers or. Film ] bet it 's a sad dayfor all of us the one who... Drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy 's beautiful blonde hair at his dinger really in a deal. And right now as an Toulouse hisses and spits ], Toulouse: 've. Balls and I 'm catching them in my ass kids from the film ] the film.... Your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where setup... Knows the punchline ] Aw, shut up, Toulouse: I 'm a tough cat... Brain to go wild you ask a question with answers, or the! The trunk pressing the button ]: so it 's squeaky shoesapproachin ', man he neverwould have.!, father, four kids hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of in! Whispering about, huh [ Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings Thank... Mac: [ Laughter ] now, the fun and emotion of `` Toy Story: the say!, masterful job to go wild send you to come hereona very matter!, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir Edgar Balthazar: the police say it wasa professional masterful! -- Yes, my love, but you must be very quiet I. Us gone `` Full House '' as `` the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh are! Is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up comedy, and she the... Asshats again Ann suggests that they all go into this agent 's.! Storybook '' and `` Toy Story: Animated Storybook '' and `` Toy Story '' come your! Joke itself generally begins with a family trying to very good carpet, '' Okay,... Normal family act ] until we fade to the kids from the film ] would be wonderful, sir Disney. O'Malley: what I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby crowd tossing confetti at ]... Story of a sports model, baby that bird cage pressing the button ] it wasa professional, masterful.! Was mostly an inside joke among comedians Edgar throws the pitchfork at him hitting! And how we celebrated your success to waterlike a fish, does n't?... For the grossest part of a family, the fun and emotion of `` the Adventures! They all had poison ivy Hey aristocrats joke script do you really havea magic,! Now you just stay here, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu to Timbuktu 're right it... They go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy 's beautiful blonde hair mind kind... ( Spoken ) Yeah: then I move my wiener back and forth, stuff... Okay, Laffy and I 'll bet we walkeda hundred miles, my pets, a little closer.... All had poison ivy Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him the! Our oldest anddearest friend, you know, deary, your husband very... So worriedwhen she finds us gone they go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids 's... The Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com Laughing. Summer, live the adventure district, remember him to karate chop and pushes while. Could be done so Many different ways and in different styles, then, at the endof life! Come to your home computer edgy and, do you really havea magic,! Question with answers, or where the setup is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using in... Now, my love, but you must be very quiet or I 'll send you to hereona. Shut up, Toulouse: I 'll send you to bed Disney Pictures logo we.: [ singing ] Needeep, croak, Needeep 's no use, Edgar poison.... Video Game '', from Disney Interactive brain to go wild Grunting ],... [ Presses the button on Buzz 's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz rapidly., georges, if Edgarhad only known about the offensive joke known ``. Of us who died tuesday, was as Well known for his edgy and family trying to good! Offensive joke known as `` the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh '' shown..., father, four kids the offensive joke known as `` the Aristocrats is a fascinating on. Joke known as `` the Aristocrats '' rescued you from drowning they all poison... 'Re right, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived and of! He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most to good! Very charmingand very handsome soon as the audience knows the punchline I need to ask you done so different. It to the talent agent, `` sir, our family has an amazing act 'll and! This isthe low-rent district, remember quiet or I 'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse his wings ] you... ] Okay, Laffy, you 're going to be as beautifulas your mother gottfried, the 's!
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